Time magazine caused quite a stir this week with its cover featuring a three-year-old breastfeeding. The article is about a philosophy of parenting called attachment parenting and the controversy is two-fold.

The first issue surrounds the cover title, “Are you mom enough?”. This provocative title implies that if you do not breastfeed your child until he is three and do not practice attachment parenting then you are less of a mother.

While attachment parenting works for many, to imply that it is the only way to raise a well-adjusted child is misleading and inflammatory.

The second issue surrounds the cover photo and the concept of nursing a toddler. As a pediatrician and a breastfeeding medicine specialist the photo of a three-year-old standing up while nursing and looking at the camera should be easy for me to look at, and yet it is not.

Why does this photograph evoke such emotion?

Medically speaking, there is every reason for a child to continue nursing until he self-weans. In most societies that embrace self-weaning, children routinely breastfeed until well over two years old.

However, it is so rare to see a toddler in our society nursing that the image is unsettling. I ask myself, “Why am I uncomfortable looking at this picture when I am such a strong supporter of breastfeeding?" 

There is truly a societal and social expectation that is ingrained in all of us, and it works to the detriment of breastfeeding as a whole. As I think about my patients, I recognize a pattern.

Upon initiating breastfeeding, most women are proud to give their baby the best start to life and are proud of themselves for being successful in the first big parenting challenge. However, as mothers continue to breastfeed, there comes a point when they turn from proud to embarrassed.

I see the look on their faces or the tone in their voices when they tell me that the 15- or 18-month old is STILL nursing. The mother who was once confident and proud begins to feel like an outcast and a social deviant.

Many women at this point either force the baby to wean, secretly nurse (the “closet nurser”) or stand up for themselves as Jamie Lynne Gumet has done in this article. 

What can I say about this situation? This child is not being forced to breastfeed. He is not being abused and this is not pornography as some people suggest. Nobody can force a 3-year-old child to do most of anything that he doesn’t want to do, let alone breastfeed.
The problem with this image is that it is so contrary to what we accept as normal. The problem with this image is that we as a society cannot accept breastfeeding a toddler.

I know in my heart that this is normal but my gut reaction can’t easily be changed. Just as I know in my heart that gay couples should have the right to marry, yet when faced with two men kissing in front of me, I am uncomfortable.

The unsettled feeling that I get when looking at this picture is my own weakness. I applaud Jamie Lynne Grumet and Time magazine for helping me take one step closer to accepting what is biologically normal.

On Mother’s Day, we should be supporting ALL mothers. If we stop passing judgment on one another then we will truly be showing our children how to behave as adults.

Dr. Jennifer Shaer is a pediatrician and a board certified lactation consultant (IBCLC). She is director of the Breastfeeding Medicine Center of Allied Pediatrics of New York. Dr. Shaer is dedicated to helping nursing mothers achieve their breastfeeding goals.

Last week’s presentation by the Riverhead Town Board’s planning consultants on the future of Route 25A in Wading River was not re-assuring.  Addressing another Work Session, BFJ Planning moved still further away from a sound plan to permit responsible development that is consistent with the community character of the hamlet.

The planners didn’t really change the proposed land use – they merely dressed it up.  They touted an open space requirement of 20 percent for some of the parcels in the 1.5 mile corridor, but that is less than what is required by law under the Pine Barrens protection Act for the affected parcels.

Their proposed “overlay district,” didn’t really alter the zoning to prevent over-development.  Instead, it provided additional uses for the developers who some members of the Town Board seem to be trying to accommodate, rather than the residents they took an oath to represent.

The planning consultants came back to the Town Board after the Board questioned how the amount of retail development Wading River could absorb, changed from an estimated 23,000 square feet to 88,000 in one year’s time.  The planners argued that the earlier numbers didn’t reflect future capacity – only existing capacity, in 2010.  That doesn’t sound like planning to me.  What’s more, it doesn’t explain why BFJ is recommending as much as 200,000 square feet of new retail in the rural hamlet.  If zoning is not adjusted in the final plan, the developers of property in Wading River will all go bankrupt even as the hamlet is urbanized.

Worst of all, the Town Board told BFJ to wrap up its plan and begin the required environmental review of what they had, unconvincingly presented.  Then there will be a “public hearing” of a plan that hasn’t demonstrated that the consultants have been listening very well.

It’s time for the Town Board to do its job.  The best plan for Wading River looks more like what BFJ had originally suggested – a balance of land uses involving retention of the Split Use zoning that will work best for all.  The plan must provide adequate open space set asides and allow for a mix of retail, housing, professional offices and community services.  

I plan to meet again with the Supervisor and each of the Town Board members to argue for zoning and land use that is both fair to the developers and to the community.  A compromise is in order and I hope the Town Board members understand that the planners can only give advice.  It’s the Town Board that must listen and decide what’s best –not just for the few, but for the many in Wading River and throughout the town.

Richard Amper is an environmental advocate and resident of Ridge. He is the longtime executive director of the Long Island Pine Barrens Society and the chairman of the Long Island Environmental Voters Forum.